and I am unable to sleep!!! I got cut with a stanley knife at work and had to have a Tetanus jab. My arm is killinge me and I've been up for nearly an hour now! Pain killers are not working so it's just tea and cigs for now!!
Not been feeling too bad these past few days. Had a few moments of panic/anxiety but on the whole....been ok. I just wish that at the slightest feeling of unease in my stomach I wasn't reaching for the Stemetil.
Ian and I are heading off to the Lakes this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. A few months ago it would have freaked me out but now, I feel ok with it. Am not looking forward to our flight in June though. I know it's only 4 hours on the plane but I feel so nervous(shitting it actually!!!).
Ethan's birthday party was great. I cannot believe he is 2 already!! He got lots of lovely toys and loved his Thomas The Tank Engine birthday cake!!!
Thats it for now....I'm off for another cig!!!!
xx
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
Thursday, 20 March 2008
So tired.....
Thursday 20th March 2008
After a manic morning at work I came home and went to bed. I started watching CSI and dozed off. I also decided to cancel my Hypnosis appointment. I just didn 't feel up to it last night.
I've stuffed my face with a huge dinner tonight, and now feel bloated, so my anxiety state is high right now. I'm just so fed up with bloody phobia. I'm also starting to get nervous about the flights that we have booked. They're not till June but I just know it's gonna come round so quick. The flight is only gonna be 3 1/2 hours but I hate it. Maybe I can drug myself up...(any tips would be great!)
I'm jealous that Ian has a 4 day weekend. I have to work tomorrow (Good Friday) and bank holiday Monday....how crap is that!!! I'm looking forward to Ethans birthday party next weekend tho. My mum is also coming up for the weekend so it will be great to see her. As much as I love her, she does tend to do my head in after a few days!!! I guess all mums do that tho!
xx
After a manic morning at work I came home and went to bed. I started watching CSI and dozed off. I also decided to cancel my Hypnosis appointment. I just didn 't feel up to it last night.
I've stuffed my face with a huge dinner tonight, and now feel bloated, so my anxiety state is high right now. I'm just so fed up with bloody phobia. I'm also starting to get nervous about the flights that we have booked. They're not till June but I just know it's gonna come round so quick. The flight is only gonna be 3 1/2 hours but I hate it. Maybe I can drug myself up...(any tips would be great!)
I'm jealous that Ian has a 4 day weekend. I have to work tomorrow (Good Friday) and bank holiday Monday....how crap is that!!! I'm looking forward to Ethans birthday party next weekend tho. My mum is also coming up for the weekend so it will be great to see her. As much as I love her, she does tend to do my head in after a few days!!! I guess all mums do that tho!
xx
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
Well here I am......This is me.....
Tuesday 18th March 2007
So here I am typing my first blog and I have no idea what to write. Feels kinda strange actually......I feel a bit stupid spilling my deepest feelings to a computer screen. Oh well....I'll get over it. I'm hoping it will be easier to write stuff down rather than bottle it all up inside. That's half my problem.....I've been so embarrassed by this Emetophobia that only a selected few know about it (me, Ian, my doctor and my Hypnotherapist!). Maybe it will help others to understand what living with this phobia is all about.
For those of you that don't know, Emetophobia is a fear of vomiting. I think I have always had this phobia, but it seemed to rear it's ugly head big time when I was 16. I got drunk and stoned and was violently ill. Since that day I haven't drunk alcohol or touched pot (not a bad thing). After that day I started to feel different. It wasn't until I was 22 that it really took over my life. I became Agoraphobic and a big nervous, anxious wreck. I didn't leave the house for three months and wanted to die. I felt weird in my own body and just felt like I wasn't in control of anything. I was constantly dis-orientated, dizzy and felt on edge all the time. A simple walk round the block was impossible.
I started taking Citalopram in May 2002 and at one point I thought I was almost "back to normal". I went back to work and started getting a life again. I made the decision to end my unhappy marriage and life was fab. Six months later I met Ian and moved in with him. I was so happy. I told Ian about my phobia and he was fantastic. Life was good.
Then I relapsed last summer June 2007. We had a terrible flight home from our holiday in Bulgaria and as I am a nervous flyer (coz of the Emetophobia) it sent me back to square one. I didn't leave the house and had to quit my job. My doctor upped my Citalopram to 40mg a day and I gradually got back to work. I've learnt to deal with life but my fear is always at the back of my mind...day in day out.
I'm currently having Hypnotherapy and he thinks that my fear stems from that night when I was 16 and using pot. Who knows.....I'm giving it a go because I need to learn to live my life again.
Ian is my rock and I cannot manage life without him. He's not the soppy romantic type, but he is my angel...my whole world and I would not want to live without him.
Right...that's enough babbling for one night me thinks!!!! Hope I don't bore you too much!!!
So here I am typing my first blog and I have no idea what to write. Feels kinda strange actually......I feel a bit stupid spilling my deepest feelings to a computer screen. Oh well....I'll get over it. I'm hoping it will be easier to write stuff down rather than bottle it all up inside. That's half my problem.....I've been so embarrassed by this Emetophobia that only a selected few know about it (me, Ian, my doctor and my Hypnotherapist!). Maybe it will help others to understand what living with this phobia is all about.
For those of you that don't know, Emetophobia is a fear of vomiting. I think I have always had this phobia, but it seemed to rear it's ugly head big time when I was 16. I got drunk and stoned and was violently ill. Since that day I haven't drunk alcohol or touched pot (not a bad thing). After that day I started to feel different. It wasn't until I was 22 that it really took over my life. I became Agoraphobic and a big nervous, anxious wreck. I didn't leave the house for three months and wanted to die. I felt weird in my own body and just felt like I wasn't in control of anything. I was constantly dis-orientated, dizzy and felt on edge all the time. A simple walk round the block was impossible.
I started taking Citalopram in May 2002 and at one point I thought I was almost "back to normal". I went back to work and started getting a life again. I made the decision to end my unhappy marriage and life was fab. Six months later I met Ian and moved in with him. I was so happy. I told Ian about my phobia and he was fantastic. Life was good.
Then I relapsed last summer June 2007. We had a terrible flight home from our holiday in Bulgaria and as I am a nervous flyer (coz of the Emetophobia) it sent me back to square one. I didn't leave the house and had to quit my job. My doctor upped my Citalopram to 40mg a day and I gradually got back to work. I've learnt to deal with life but my fear is always at the back of my mind...day in day out.
I'm currently having Hypnotherapy and he thinks that my fear stems from that night when I was 16 and using pot. Who knows.....I'm giving it a go because I need to learn to live my life again.
Ian is my rock and I cannot manage life without him. He's not the soppy romantic type, but he is my angel...my whole world and I would not want to live without him.
Right...that's enough babbling for one night me thinks!!!! Hope I don't bore you too much!!!
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